The Night Of The Hunter

One thing that has concerned for some time is that a lot of modern films but by no means all of them, put no effort into the plot or story and are overly reliant on star power or special effects. It seems to me that some of that old style Hollywood magic has waned over the years and the art of storytelling has been dealt a blow. I will admit to a certain amount of bias here as I am more than a little bit enchanted by some of the old movie stars and directors and the sheer artistry they put onto the silver screen. In fact, were I to list my top films then a good 80% at least of the list would be films made more than 25 years ago with most of them being made before I was even born.

Tying in with that is the sheer screen presence of some actors/actresses with names like Bogart, Lemmon, Bacall and suchlike tripping off the lips like screen versions of the old masters of the art world. One of these luminaries of cinema is the fantastic Robert Mitchum, a man who almost oozes menace and character. I could almost call him the original anti-hero, the template for later actors to follow when they wanted to go down the roguish route, the slightly scary one.

In this movie, he plays a preacher who bumps off widows. Whilst in prison for carrying a flick knife he hears his cellmate, a condemned man, mumble in his sleep about some cash he has hidden, the proceeds from the raid that got him sent to the hangmans noose. Mitchum then takes it upon himself to go the mans widow and try to finagle his way to the loot. However, the widows children are the only ones privy as to where to money is hidden and the boy in particular takes against the preacher and refuses to give in and confess to the location of the stash. We then see Mitchum dripping menace from every pore as he gets more and more desperate in his hunt. The mother of the children is seemingly oblivious at first as to the true nature of Mitchum but she later leanrs of his true nature and is murdered. The children go on the run and are rescued by a matronly woman after floating down the river on a raft.

I don't think such a description can really do this movie justice. There is a great sense of dread running through this movie and some scenes are truly frightening with Mitchum chasing the kids through fields and marshes as they make their break truly terrifying, the stuff of nightmares. The use of shade and shadow, allied with weird camera angles for some shots, creates a palpable sense of dread and panic and also makes for a real sense of beauty running throughout the film. This is, if nothing else, a visually amazing film. The use of nursery rhymes at moments in the film also lends it a sense of creepiness.

Mitchum is amazing in this film and the other actors also follow in the path of greatness with the children in particular pulling off the rare feat of being both believable and likable. Lillian Gish is fantastic as the matronly heroine. This is a movie that has leapt right onto my favorite films list. I cannot urge you enough to go see it if you can and I promise you won't leave disappointed.

Final Destination

There is something that is probably quite cruel and nasty of me and maybe I shouldn't share this but discretion has never been one of my better virtues. Here goes then, I find some of the deaths in horror movies funny. Sometimes the deaths are intentionally funny and sometimes they are not.

In this movie however, when the impossibly good looking teens do get bumped off then the emphasis, whilst still on jumps and scares with a liberal dose of gore splashed around for good measure, is very much on the tongue in cheek dispatch. To summarise the plot, which is quite clever in comparison to some horrors, a group of teens are headed to Paris on a school trip. One of said teens has a vision that the plane will explode just after take off and everyone dies. His reaction forces both him and his friends off said aeroplane and they survive the crash.

However, it turns out that Death has plan and is not happy that the list of dead teens is incomplete. The survivors are then subsequently bumped in increasingly grisly ways with the dwindling band desperately trying to figure what what is going on.

This movie is full of clever plot devices like the music giving clues to what fate is about to befall our hapless victims. We are also left guessing as to which is to die next and in which way. There are a large amount of double bluffs and some of the deaths are ridiculously over the top and gory they actually quite funny. I am surprised that this movie is a 15, given the gore and the tension but thats a minor quibble.

You could doa lot worse than this and to be honest, I really enjoyed it.

UP

I am essentially a big kid at heart and I have particular penchant for the animated movie. Pixar, a subsidiary studio of Disney is a favorite of mine and I avidly watch each and every one of their releases.

This movie follows Carl Fredricksen, an old man who sets off to South America to complete his wife's dying wish. His transport? His house, suspended from hundreds of balloons. His company? An eager 8 year old boy called Russell who stows away on the porch. Once they arrive in South America (it's like America but South!) they meet up with Kevin a colourful ostrich and Dug, a dim but friendly dog. Kevin is being hunted by Dugs pack-mates but Dug wants Carl to be his new master and the gang of unlikely friends have to come together to beat the slightly mad Charles Muntz who wants to capture Kevin to prove a point.

The opening scenes, which set out why it is so important for Carl to fulfill his wife's wishes and how they fell in love? There's a lot I can say about them but they really nothing short of perfection. The way the love twixt the 2 is expressed, without words in one sequence is superb and jerks more than the odd tear. There are moments of of comedy amid the pathos and also action scenes that, upon first viewing, raise the goosebumps. There is a scene, a few minutes in where Carl's house lifts off on it's journey, one necessitated by his wife's death and the encroaching development of the land surrounding the house. I very nearly got up and cheered as Carl stuck a metaphorical two fingers up authority. As the balloons fil the screen with colour? I read that as life being breathed into Carl's dream of adventure, of hope filling him.

This movie works as entertainment, but there are also themes of love, loss and redemption running through it. You see, there's Carl, an old man who defies age to become one of the all time great cinematic heroes. His marriage to Ellie proved childless and there's a wonderful theme of Carl finding a substitute children in Carl, the 8 year old and Dug, the dog. In fact the relationship twixt the heroic but daft Dug and the heroic but crabby Carl is another one brought a lump to my throat, being that I am a dog owner.

This is not just one of my favorite animated movies, it's one of my favorite movies full stop. If you don't get moved by this film then quite frankly you have no soul.

The Road

As I have often mentioned before, I have a big liking for post apocalyptic movies. I'm not entirely sure why that is, perhaps it's the whole end of the world vibe and being one of the last people alive, battling for survival.

So it was with eagerness that I popped this into the DVD machine. Some sort of unexplained cataclysm has occurred and all the crops have failed, the sun has gone and slowly, everything that once grew has stopped. Amongst the devastation we find The Man and The Boy, a father and son trying to make their way to the coast. Along the way The Man, played by Viggo Mortenson tries to ensure his son learns enough skills to be able to survive in this new and dangerous environment. They brush with some dangerous characters and The Man desperately tries to maintain his dignity and compassion whilst also being hard enough to ensure his son survives. The young actor who plays The Boy is one of the few high points in this movie, in fact he is the only high point. Mortenson just does his usual shtick and the other, supporting characters aren't really fleshed out enough t make you give a toss. There are some excellent shots of a ruined America, with panoramic vistas a specialty.

This movie had been hyped up and I had made the fatal mistake of buying into the hype. I'll state right now that I was disappointed by The Road. Perhaps if I had read the book first then maybe I would have appreciated it a bit more but as it is I found it to be full of relentless symbolism, of sodding great periods where nothing happens and then a few sudden jumps of action sprinkled in here and there.

It's not like this is an awful film but it's just one that leaves you wishing there was more to it. It's the film equivalent of a diet fizzy drink.

2012

Roland Emmerich has given us a fair few big budget, special effects heavy blockbusters, often with a heavy ecological bent. This is just one such movie and to be honest I had held off on seeing it as I felt a little bit snowed under by movies like this.

I gave in recently and rented it from the library at the exorbitant price of a £1 for a week. To my surprise I actually enjoyed it. The effects, whilst bombastic, fit in and the acting and writing can be a little wince inducing at times but is perfectly passable.

The plot, whilst implausible, doesn't come across as miles too outlandish. Basically there are massive does of radiation coming from the sun that bake the earths core and cause massive tidal waves and earthquakes. In amidst all this chaos, some scientists and politicians try to find a way to save humanity and a father tries to find a way to save his estranged family.

There are the jaw dropping set pieces you would expect but you don't really get the feeling of being shuttled along between scenes. The plot is set such that the scenes themselves don't seem too extraneous. In another rare move, the kid actors in this film are actually quite likeable and the adults? Well they're quite good too and John Cusack has the tinge of Nicolas Cage is genre hopping mode here.

The ending does come across as a little bit trite and condescending but then again this is Hollywood we are talking about and a patronising pat on the head is to expected at times. That's just a little quibble though as this is a fun movie, with great special effects that for once do not detract from the film itself. If you have 2 and a half hours to spare then there are worse ways to spend them.

The Simspons Movie

I used to be near as dammit obsessed with The Simpsons, having initially first become a fan of Americas First Family way back when they first hit our screens back in the late 80's. The show is oftentimes laugh out loud funny and can have moments of genuine emotion. There are also parts that kids can laugh at and follow and jokes that will fly over their heads and land at their parents. There are popular culture references ahoy and some of the characters, both form the family itself and the wider Springfield community have entered our collective consciousness so much that they are a part of our life.

So a couple of years back, when the makers announced they would be doing a film to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the show, I was jubilant. I pre-ordered my ticket to be sure of getting in and settled down with baited breath. Actually it was a large bucket of popcorn but I think I'm allowed a little poetic licence eh?

I re-watched this on DVD the other night to get a fresh perspective on it. I have to say that I am more than a little disappointed. The plot revolves around Springfield being declared a disaster zone and being secluded. The Simpsons break out of the quarantine and go on the run. Essentially that's it and if that reads like a normal Simpsons episode being stretched over the length of a feature film then that's exactly what it is and that's exactly why it's a failure.

There are jokes, and there brilliant moments but, and this is crucial, they could have all been fitted into a normal Simpsons episode. The rest of the movie is filler and subplots that go nowhere. There are hordes of Simpsons characters and as such, not everyone will get screentime but they could have found expanded roles for Grandpa Simpson, Mr Burns and my own personal favorite, Snake Jailbird.

This movie can now be found for as little as £3 brand new. Save your money and watch one of the earlier episodes for free on Channel 4.

The Infidel

When a movie attempts a culture clash, the results can oftentimes be horrible to watch. However sometimes the filmmakers can get it spot on and in The Infidel they've achieved the latter.

Omid Djalili plays a lapsed Muslim, a guy who likes a beer and his football, much to the exasperation of his son who is due to marry a woman who is the niece of a radical Islamic preacher. Under pressure from his son he starts to be more Muslim and researches his background to learn a little more about his faith. However, to his horror he discovers that he had been born to Jewish parents and had been given up for adoption whereupon he was taken in by Muslim parents. HE is stunned by this and even more surprised to discover his birth father is still alive. He searches him out but his fathers Rabbi tells him he must learn more about Judaism before he can see his dad.

As you might expect, there are moments of self doubt but our lead finds himself and discovers that he is really comfortable with life. It's a kind of schmaltzy message but thankfully there are some real belly laughs along the way. Omid Djalili is excellent but he has always been a favorite of mine and here he is complimented excellently by the rest of the cast, including another excellent actor, the great Richard Schiff who plays a Jewish version of Djalili's character in that he is a Jewish man in conflict with life and his faith. There are moments of spot on observation of Jewish and Muslim life and the overriding message is one of tolerance, that the two faiths are far more alike than they are different.

My only criticism of this movie is that the way the subject of Israel is dealt with is a little trite and Matt Lucas features in this movie and I can't really abide him but those are are only minor trifles when compared to the rest of this movie which strikes an excellent balance between genuine conflict and pathos and laugh out comedy.

The American President

I am a big fan of the t.v. show The West Wing, a political drama that follows the ups and downs around the West Wing and the lives of the staff therein. As far as I am concerned it is the best t.v. show of all time and this movie is by the same people responsible.

Michael Douglas is the President, a single father whose wife died whilst on the election trail. So he face life in the White House on his sweeney. However he meets Sidney Wade, a female lobbyist that is working on the behalf of an environmental group. After an embarrassing first meeting, the pair form a bond and a relationship that tests the Presidents credibility and brings his opponents to the fore. Richard Dreyfuss plays a Republican (boo! hiss!) presidential hopeful who launches a character assassination attempt against the President and his new flame.

As I have already mentioned, this film was made by the same people who gave us The West Wing and that shines through here. We see several of the same actors that etched their way into out consciousness and there are elements of the plot here that make it into the West Wing. The writing is amazing and all the actors involved pull off the ultimate acting trick of making you totally and utterly buy into each and every character and care enough what happens to them. There is a speech towards the end of this movie that almost had me standing up and cheering. Most of the film is set within the confines of Washington and to me, as a one-time visitor to that place, that's an added bonus.

My tastes in movies is quite eclectic but one genre I don't normally go for is the romantic comedy. That way lies estrogen and that's for me. However, this is one rom-com that absolutely hits the spot and makes you laugh and at times can jerk a tear.

Resident Evil

I like video games and have done so ever since I first fired up my Amstrad and took charge of Harrier Attack and Roland On The Ropes. Since then, both my taste in games and movies has moved on and I have developed a big liking for films based on my favorite video games. Usually they are almost always awful but you watch each one, hoping it will live up to the game.



This is a film based on the very popular Resident Evil games, which are survival horror games based a zombie apocalypse. I'm onto a winner straight away there being a zombie fan! We open with a virus being leaked in a secret underground lab. We then follow a group of tough commandos and an amnesiac woman as they endeavour to discover any survivors and root out the story of what happened at The Hive. Reading that back, it makes the film sound very slight, very forgettable and in essence that's true but for all that it is fairly enjoyable.



The acting is perfectly OK, whilst not being outstanding, the gore factor is present but seems strangely sanitised. There are a few jumps here which is par for the course with any zombie flick. The characters are fleshed out enough to pull you along with the story if not make them quite believable. Of all the video game into film adaptations I have seen, this one is about as close to the source material as you're going to get. Given that, it's more of a full on action style zombie flick than one that goes for scares or laughs.


It wont change your life and nor will it make you question your sanity in buying or renting it but it will prove to a be a diverting and enjoyable 90 minutes. Subsequent Resident Evil movies have improved upon this original but this a fairly decent jump off point.

Thunderpants

Perhaps it is a sign of my immaturity or perhaps I just like any movie with a good story but once I had checked the back of this DVD and seen the whole premise revolves around a boy who farts a lot then I was well and truly hooked!


Most kids movies have a sort of cloying message to them, stuff about being yourself or being nice to others etc and the sentimentality gets ladled on with gay abandon. It's the rare kids movie that manages to entertain both kids and adults without being overly schmaltzy. Given that our hero here has an unfortunate tendency towards explosive flatulence, it's no surprise that we manage to avoid being clubbed over the head with any 'message'.


The kid in question here is Patrick Smash whose unique gift makes itself known early on in his life and has a catastrophic effect on the poor lad. His dad leaves and his mum turns to drink. When he gets to school he is bullied mercilessly and has only one friend, a ginger kid with no sense of smell. It's this friend that realises Patrick's special ability could be utilised and with his brains and Patrick's farting ability a plan to rescue some stranded astronauts is launched.

That's the plot in a nutshell but along the way Patrick at first alienates everyone with his noxious harris but in the end, all he wants is friends and family to love him and to achieve his dream fog oing into space. We find ourselves really rooting for Patrick and when he finally does make it into outer space and we see that huge smile on his face, it's hard not to shed a tear. As has been mentioned on here before, most child actors make you want to punch the screen in annoyance but all of the kids involved here do a bang up job. Special praise goes to Rupert Grint who plays Patricks best (only) friend. He was in what is probably the best known movie series of all time in Harry Potter but here, after a few minutes, you utterly forget that and really buy into his and Patricks friendship. The adults involved, including Stephen Fry and Simon Callow also seem to have a great time and the whole feel of the movie is one of anarchic fun.

I bought this movie yesterday in a remaindered stock sale in my local library. I paid a quid for it and watched it as soon as I got home. It's now leapt right up my favorite movies list. Can't really praise it any higher than that.

Megamind

Perhaps it is because I am essentially a big kid but at the moment I am really enjoying animated movies. I particularly adore Pixar's efforts but really, any cartoon movie can grab me. I'll usually make my selection based on reviews in the papers or trailers but every so often, as with other genres, I'll go to the cinema or pick up a DVD with no expectations.

This was just such the event that saw me wandering into the flicks to see Megamind. I had just emerged, with numb buttocks from Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 1 and had a need to use the last remaining free ticket I had. I was drawn in by the fact that the showing I was heading into was in that new-fangled 3D. So with baited breath and feeling a little bit silly I donned my glasses and took my seat.

This is, in essence, a movie about redemption with the the titular character starting off as a baby sent from his home planet a'la Superman. Unfortunately for our big and blue headed protagonist, another baby is launched form the doomed planet and this baby winds up landing in a nice rich family's home on Earth whilst Megamind? He winds up landing in prison where the convicts bring him up. This has the effect of making him into an evil genius intent on taking over Metrocity whilst that lucky kid? He ends up as his nemesis who thwarts him at every turn. However, once Megamind vanquishes his foe, he is left with a sense of emptiness, of needing a foil to play off. He also falls in love with an intrepid reporter and then tries to recreate another opponent but that goes awry when his creation turns out to be evil instead of good. He also has an epiphany when he realises he wants to be good instead of evil in order to make the reporter fall in love with him. He initially uses a disguise to do this but after a while, he sheds his disguise to show his true self. So in this movie, as well as a nice story for the kids to enjoy we have a pretty good theme of redemption and really sweet love story. The animation and effects are all pretty good and there are some genuinely nice touches like a good riff on the Obama election poster. This is an undemanding film but at the same time it is a lot of fun and you wont leave it feeling short changed. I thoroughly enjoyed it and when it come out on DVD I'll be hunting it down. I recommend you do the same.

A Nightmare On Elm Street (2010)

There is a huge vogue for 're-imagining' certain horror franchises and using the opportunity to delve into the background of the killer or villain. I am a big slasher movie fan and I ate up the re-makes of Halloween and Friday The 13th but my favorite always was Freddy Krueger which is kind of odd when you consider he was meant to be a child molesting serial killer!

This movie was released around 15 years or so after the last in the Nightmare On Elm Street series, a franchise which had gotten increasingly daft as time went on. Towards the end you increasingly sided with the razor gloved killer rather than his hapless victims. So it was with baited breath that I waited to see how the helmers of this new chapter in the Krueger legacy would crack on. Would they continue the campness and one liners or would they return to the spirit of the first 2 or 3 films and go for scares?

Firstly I was disappointed that they couldn't find any role for Robert Englund as to me, he utterly synonymous with the 'Nightmare' films in particular and horror in general. Although, upon reflection, the filmmakers would have wanted to go for a clean break and that would mean severing ties with Englunds legacy although I still maintain it would have been nice for him to have had some form of role within this movie. Instead they went with Jackie Earle Haley to play the role of Freddy and a host of unknown but attractive teens to play his victims.

The design of Freddy is also quite different than that of any previous incarnation with the emphasis very much on what a realistic burns victim would look like, given that part of his background, as explained in the film, is vengeful parents burned him alive after they suspected him of molesting their kids. Thankfully the fedora and tatty sweater are still present and almost act like some form of comfort blanket to us fans of the original movies.

There some genuinely nice touches here like distorted camera angles and off-key music when the teens dream and there is a good sense of rising panic as they realise they cannot stop themselves from falling asleep nor dreaming. This, added in with the jumps which abound here, and the grim, nightmarish settings adds up to an increasingly unsettling and scary experience and for that the film-makers should be applauded. This is scary and something that the makers of torture porn crap like Saw or Hostel can't appreciate, that you don't necessarily need gore and torture all the time, that you can achieve your goal of scaring your audience by things like clever editing, music and atmosphere. This movie is a worthy addition to my favorite fictional serial killers canon.

Predators

Some movie franchises crank out the sequels like nobodies business, like the Saw films. Some knock out a sequel and ruin the first film by producing something of stunning ineptitude like the Matrix films and some improve on the formula, like Alien. Yet others leave massive gaps in between the movies and Predators falls into that category.

There was a Predator 2, which was an alright film but lacked that certain something. That film was released way back in 1990, and a whole 20 years later there was a third in the series, a hat-trick. Thankfully, this movie ignores the second one which had a slightly silly premise of the Predator being in Los Angeles and instead goes back the setting and feel of the original by dropping, quite literally, a group of ne'er do wells in the jungle.

Instead of special forces soldiers lead by Arnie, this time round we have a group of mercenaries and rogues. In the third iteration they are not being hunted by a solitary Predator, instead they're being chased down by several of the alien hunters. We don't find that out for at least half an hour though and the opening thirty minutes are spent watching our hero's first of all wondering why they are where they are and then trying to figure exactly where that is. There is a good moment where the gang crest a hill and find out they are on an alien planet. I am also enamoured of the way most of the group are sufficiently different enough for each of them have a good personality, even if you can see the one evil one a mile off.

There are moments of pulse pumping action and some moments of levity. I found myself genuinely caring for the gang and I was genuinely sorry when my favorite, a Latino gang member played by Danny Trejo, was killed. The chap taking the the Arnie role here is Adrien Brody who does a very curious accent which is not quite American and not quite English. Laurence Fishburne does a turn as a crazed man who has been on the planet for 10 years and has gone cuckoo. The rest of the cast run the gamut from inscrutable Oriental type to mystical African warlord to monosyllabic Russian. There are nods to the original like the Russians Gatling gun and some previous victims being skinned alive.

The whole feel of this movie is much closer to the original and that's only a good thing. After all, why change a winning formula? I had gone to see this in the cinema had had my experience then ruined by some twats chatting away during the movie. However i had enjoyed it so much that when it was released on DVD I went out and bought it and I think that tells you all you need to know.

Shark In Venice

Way back when DVDs first arrived on the scene they were prohibitively expensive, but as time rocked on they dropped and dropped in price to the point where some movies can be had for as little as £2 brand new. Most of theses titles, if not heavily discounted by chain-stores will end up being the sort of bargain basement, filler type fare. Think of the old B-movies of the 50's and you'll be about there.

I rented this gem from Gillingham library based purely on the title and subject matter. It actually made me laugh out loud when I read it. After all, how pissed must the makers have been when they put this one forward. We open with a dive team hunting for treasure hunting below the floating city of Venice. They get munched on by a shark and then, all of a sudden, we switch to a University lecturer being told his father has gone missing. He heads off to Venice to find out what happened and along the way he and his betrothed fall afoul of some mafia types and the titular sharks.

If that alone doesn't make you fall in love with this movie then you have no soul. There are moments in this film where one almost has to shout at the telly in disbelief, like the moment when a large shark (incidentally they Sharks are Great Whites) leaps out of the water and bites a gondola clean in half. Or there the but where the villain launches into exposition mode and tells our hero's that he introduced the sharks to the canals. No explanation of where they came from or how he feeds them or why they don't just swim away.

There are also scenes that just seem to be repeated for no apparent reason and Stephen Baldwin? Let's just say that his running style when being chased makes him look like he rides to work on the Sunshine Bus! The lines delivered here are done almost wince-inducingly badly and there plot holes and logic leaps of such monumental stupidity you wonder how it is that this film ever managed to get released. You would think that adding all of this up would mean that this is a movie to be avoided but you would be wrong, so very very wrong. In fact, this is a movie wort hunting down purely because of how bad it is. It's not quite at the level of shark based lunacy of say, Shark Attack 3 but it does come a fairly close second.

Godzilla

Unsurprisingly, seeing as it came from the same people who gave us the cinematic excrement that was Independence Day, this movie is yet again reliant upon special effects to grab your attention but it's not all bad.


Godzilla is by no means as overblown as Independence Day and the jingoism is dialled down a notch but it is the cinematic equivalent of chewing gum. Utterly forgetful trash. It may be fun initially but after a while it become more than a little tedious.

The special effects here are necessarily good, given the titular monster and they are impressive, even now, nearly 12 years later. The story is also more involving then the makers previous effort and the characters are much more fleshed out. Having said that, this film does feel flimsy but at the same time you are so relentlessly battered over the head by spectacular set pieces you kind of end up going along with the ride.



Much like other films like Transformers this is a movie that caters for a very specific audience, the teenage boy market. This isn't a bad movie, nor is it a great one. It's a mildly diverting couple of hours but that's all it is. The effects are good, the storyline alright and the acting perfectly passable but it wont amount to more than that. Much like bubblegum, it has initial attraction but pretty soon after it's all over, you've forgotten it


All in all, it's just not as bad as Independence Day and we should all be thankful for that!

My Bloody Valentine

There are horrors like Wishmaster and Scream that use humour in a very much tongue in cheek style to add to the scares in the film. There are also out and out spoofs that take a Naked Gun style to things. Somehow though, the people involved here managed to make a complete hash up and made some parts of this supposed slasher horror funny, albeit unintentionally.

This is the tale of a vengeful miner on the rampage. That really does about sum up the plot of this film. There's some apparent motivation for this to do with being buried alive in a mining collapse but the background of the killer is not fully explored, we are supposed to buy into his evilness without question. Ten years later, after butchering over 20 people with a pickaxe, the killer is back, on Valentines Day, or is he? Actually no he is not, but let's not spoil the twist in the tale.

This was originally made with the 3d market in mind and it shows through, and at times that is very jarring. It's not as bad as that earlier, more famed, 3D epic called Jaws 3 but you really do wonder if they could have concentrated more on the storyline and plotting, characterisation, writing and editing rather than trying to make flashy 3D effects that barely work as it is. Perhaps I would have gotten more out of this piece of crap had I watched it in 3D but for me that should be irrelevant. A good film should work no matter what and here the emphasis is so much on severed heads flying out of the screen and suchlike that you pretty soon find it all a bit of a muchness.

This movie is very Horror-By-The-Numbers and the gore aspect? Apart from some admittedly grim deaths by spade there is very little here to keep your interest and this supposed horror movie isn't even remotely scary and to me that's a crime. In fact, some of the effects, dialogue and plot leaps are enough to make you laugh out loud.

There are much better films out if you want your slasher movie fix so don't bother with this.

Navy SEALS

A few months back I was at a boot fair nearby to me and I picked up a video recorder for the princely sum of a quid. Since then I have gone an orgy of buying up tapes, of snapping up films that remind me of my childhood, of classics I've yet to see and of anything that looks vaguely interesting.

This film falls very much into the this category, as it stars one of my favorite actors, Charlie Sheen. I say favorite actors, but it's not his acting ability I like but it's the fact that he is a proper nutter, a real hell raiser with some awesome tales to tell.


In this film he is cast as one of a team of Navy SEALS, a sort of special forces branch of the American military. The plot, and I do use that term loosely, is to do with some missiles left behind when the SEALS rescue some hostages. The pesky Arabs have gotten hold of them and our hero's must go in and get them back. If that plot sounds too simple then it really is.



The rest of the actors in this are OK, and do their job competently but they are hampered by some godawful lines that are so cheesy to make you almost wince. The action sequences are alright but are hampered by too much of it happening in the dark. Also, there are sequences in this movie that seem really out of place, with switches from an earlier mission which went poorly, straight into the SEALS arsing around on a golf course and Sheen's character stealing his own car back. Everyone in this film suffers from that all too familiar sense of one dimensional characterisation that afflicts a lot of action films. There are many leaps of logic here and some utterly gaping plot holes. Some scenes bear almost no relation to the rest of the film and seem to have been tacked on.





So does that mean you should avid this film? Does it mean that this is one that is destined to remain on the shelf? No it does not. Whilst this movie will never be considered a classic, it is a lot of a fun and works well as a big, dumb, action film. It's one of those that is 'so bad it's good'. If you happen across it, then go and pick it up as you wont regret it.

Independence Day

Bombastic movies can be fun, can be perfect popcorn munching fodder. In the vein of Jurassic Park, this movies is very much a full on summer event movie, one that was hyped to the nether regions by talk of the special effects. I went to see this at my favorite cinema ever, the ABC at the Elephant and Castle. A proper fleapit cinema that was and one that is sadly no more.

I wish I could say that Independence Day matched up to my rose tinted memories of the cinema but sadly it lacks in so many different areas. The special effects are spectacular and they do make your jaw drop, at least upon the first viewing, but since the films release they have been bettered many times over. Unlike Jurassic Park, the special effects here drive the film instead of the other way around and that lends itself to a heartless, soulless piece of trash. The dialogue is clunky and almost winch inducing at times.

Jingoism also rears it's ugly head here with the Americans portrayed as world saving hero's and the rest of humanity as feckless cowards, huddling in the dark, waiting to be rescued. When the foreigners are shown it's like they have been lifted straight form the Big Book Of Stereotypes with Arabs in tents (intense?) and fey British officers. The American actors within this stunning piece of craptitude don;t fare much better are almost all utterly detestable. In fact, you find yourself rooting for the aliens within half an hour of the films opening. Will Smith is like Marmite, you ever love him or loathe him. For my part I find him to be a touch too clean-cut and in this film, early on in his career, he plays a fighter pilot, one of the hero's that slays the alien menace.

Really, watching this film back now I am struck by the fact that I am miles too old for it. This is really a crash, bang and wallop picture, one that surely holds appeal to 15 year old's and moronic ones at that. Ridiculous moments abound like the President jumping into a fighter jet and taking the fight to the enemy.

Do yourself a favour and watch something else, anything else than this garbage.

Air Force One

Some movies require you to suspend belief for a little while, even though they are rooted in the real world. Air Force One is one such film.

In this action film, the president (played here by Harrison Ford) goes up against Russian terrorists when they hijack Air Force one, the Presidents jumbo jet. It helps if you think of this film as Die Hard on a plane. Once you have that in your head, you're about there. That's not to say that this film lacks originality, after all they've cast Harrison Ford as the President! Actually Ford is quite here as the President. His counterpart, the main villain, is played by Gary Oldman who always does a good turn no matter the role and here he chews the scenery with gay abandon as the evil Russian seeking to use the President as a hostage in order to free an imprisoned Russian separatist.

The effects in this film are OK but then again, given that most of the action happens aboard Air Force One you'll not need much crash, bang and wallop. There are explosions a'plenty so you needn't worry, you do get your fill of testosterone fuelled braggadocio. Aside from the aforementioned Oldman as mad Russian, the rest of the villains here are indistinguishable but maybe that's more to do with them living in the shadow of Gary Oldman hamming it like a good 'un! Glenn Close plays the Vice President and does well although some of the others in the Situation Room with her grate a little. Almost predictably, this movie has a jingoistic overtone but then again, given the subject matter, it would have been hard not to. At least the jingoism is dialled down a notch, unlike in Independence Day!

All in all, this is a good action film, a switch ones brain off and engage popcorn kind of thing. It wont change your life but it will do is entertain and thrill you which is all it really set out to do.

Nuns On The Run

A lot of movies lack for originality and draw their inspiration from, or blatantly rip off earlier, more successful efforts. This movie is one such celluloid piece of pilfery and whilst it does borrow really quite heavily from Some Like it hot it is a good movie in it's own right.

Brian and Charlie are two small time crooks working for a vicious Mr Big. They want to get out out the crime game but their guvnor wants them to carry out a dangerous robbery, ripping off Triads. They use this as a cover for stealing the money and doing a runner from their psycho boss. However, things go awry and they are forced to hide out in a convent and dress up as nuns. One of them falls for a someone staying at the small medical wing and the other gets very into being a nun. Eventually their boss, the Triads and the police all catch up with them and they go on the run again, this time making their escape to Rio, via an airport.

That really is about it as far as the plot goes, it certainly is a very undemanding film. The setting is very dated, but then again the film is nearly 20 years old. Filmed mostly on location in and around West London there are scenes that provide big belly laughs but mostly the comedy is more of the gentle smile variety than laughs variety. As a football fan I was also pleased to see a small scene filmed in the car park of Stamford Bridge but then again that's probably just me that's pleased by that.

This is a fun if not exactly sophisticated British film, one that I feel has been ignored by some, a kind of forgotten gem if you will. You could certainly do worse than spend 90 minutes watching this. It's really quite good fun.